The last time I felt I was breathing for myself was in my mother's womb. Ever since I stepped into the world I have been asked to follow, fulfill, understand and respect but never decide; the decision was always made, I was just to follow. No body ever tried to understand what my caliper was, I was not allowed to dream I was made to color their dreams.
Got promoted to grade nine my parents pushed me into science so that I could live their dream of becoming adoctor. I did not hate it but I did not want it. What followed was four years of intense pressure. Physics taught us "stress can be applied to an elastic body without permanent deformation up to the elastic limit", human brain was no different. There were numerous instances
when I felt I want to "quit", but could not gather the courage to hurt them all. I dreamt numbers, I wrote numbers and I spoke numbers. Most school records say when you top the mark list you tend to bottom the peer list. I wonder why? My parents praise me, siblings idolize me, teachers reward me but my friends envy me. Higher the achievement, lower the social life.
Got into medical school, then commenced the next phase of fierce competition, I was expected to learn everything and anything in a split of seconds. I aspired to play with mathematical equations, reality thrust me into the number of cranial nerves. Professors said no more spoon feeding, parents said no excuses. Peers said alcohol is stress relieving, books read it is brain damaging; a puff of nicotine abates my pre semester anxiety but a packet of cigarette labels "smoking kills".
My grand dad said he was living to see me become a doctor, dad said he was earning to give the best education, mom said she was sacrificing to make sure I achieve it but alas nobody realized I was dying in the verge of getting there.
My university ranks me first, my batch mates call me nerd, my mom feels proud yet I feel lost in the crowd.
Today when I look back on the day of my graduation to discover what I achieved? I thought for my parents everything; yet my dad stands beside me "still a long way to go" and I am left to wonder how much more?